Unselfish Love!

Today I wish to share some thoughts about Love.

I have struggled to understand this concept of love for most of my life.  I have always felt like my views about love were different than everyone else’s.  Everyone I have encountered has had a very strict, Egoic idea of love.  We think that we love someone and yet we want to possess that love only for ourselves.  We get jealous of them when they give their love (time, energy & attention – this is not about intimacy) to someone else.  This is a natural reaction when we are thinking in terms of wanting ALL of their love for ourselves.  We want it and therefore nobody else can have it.  Of course, this is asinine b/c why we feel as though we are IN LOVE with them, is because we like how they feel to us.  We love how others feel about them too.  They are able to flow thru life and its challenges with grace and ease, and so we WANT this feeling in our lives every day.  We think that if we are with them, our lives will magically get better.

But soon, we begin dictating to THEM how they are to give their love to us, and to others.  We think we can tell them how they should treat others.  We think b/c they have “chosen” us as a mate that we are now entitled to tell them how to love.  This is not a good look when we get down to it.  We love them for what they do, how they do it and how it feels when we receive it.  We want this all for ourselves.  This is what will cause love to run away.  Love wants to express itself freely and without limitations.  Love doesn’t differentiate; it doesn’t put one above another.  Love wants to love all as itself. 

This gets kind of messy if this is not understood.  We see ourselves with a mate, and we think we can control every aspect of our mate b/c they have chosen us.  But the truth is, our mate is only happy when they are giving their love to whomever is in need.  Some people need a hug, some people need guidance, some people need time, some people need discipline.  And still others, need the physical gratification of sexual intercourse.  All aspects of love are valid, but not everyone is ready or available to receive this love.   Only the giver of unselfish love knows and understands what others need.  This unselfish giving is only known by those willing to let go of their ego/selfishness.

When we open up to unselfish giving, we are able to interpret the subtleties of the conscious mind.  We are able to see and feel exactly what the other man/woman is feeling.  We hear their words, we see their body language and we feel exactly what they are saying.  In this act of unselfishly listening, we are able to then unselfishly give whatever is needed in the NOW moment.  We are NOT consumed by our egoic control/desires and instead we only want what is best for the other. 

It is the act of giving which creates peace.  It is the act of giving love which then allows one to feel love.  It isn’t until one “Expects” something from love that love becomes divided.  When we simply give love for the sake of giving love, we have love.  We feel love, and we know what love feels like.  When we wait for love, when we expect someone to do something for us b/c we “say” we love them, this creates a letdown, and thus, resentment.   We are waiting to receive love, instead of simply giving it. 

Many people think that having sex equates to love.  Or that if the sex is “bad” they won’t be able to love them.  This is NOT love, this is more closely related to lust and a massive EGO complex!  We want to penetrate their essence and fill it with ours.  We want to taste their essence without fully understanding the nature of it.  We don’t see all of the signs of pain and trauma the other is holding; we simply see their outer beauty.  We think they are “Hot” and b/c of that, we want to see what Hot feels like.  We aren’t concerned with loving; we only want the EGOIC physical gratification of getting what we want!  And sometimes we simply want to be seen with a hot girl, or guy!  This builds up our ego b/c we are only concerned with what others think of us instead of what we think of ourselves.  EGO, and judgment!  Which then becomes control and possession.  Which eventually turns into resentment and pain.  And finally, the end of the relationship.

The egoic selfish love will always crumble under the pressure.  It will always fall apart b/c sooner or later one of you will stop giving your love, and when this happens, egos get hurt.  We then wonder WHY they aren’t turned on by us anymore?  Why don’t you want me anymore?  And then, the one who is withholding love will explain WHY they no longer feel loved…then the other will justify their behavior, they will tell you all the ways in which they love you…and yet, you no longer feel like they love you, b/c they stopped freely giving their love to you. 

We have this whole idea of love backwards.  Love is only true when it is unselfishly given.  There can’t be an egoic desire to give love, it must be purely for the soul.  The soul wants everyone to feel love.  When we begin to allow ourselves to fully take responsibility for our FEELINGS, we will understand how to give love to whomever is in our field of awareness.  Sometimes we instantly KNOW what others want or need.  As we release our selfishness, we are able to feel everyone’s needs.  As stated earlier, some people just want physical attention.  They think they want a relationship with you, but they are not tuned into unselfish love.  But it is possible to help them learn.  In this instance, it is possible for you to give them your love without requiring a relationship.  They will NOT understand this, but if you communicate openly and honestly, you will be able to overcome their egoic needs and simply give them what they are asking for…Attention!  They are feeling unworthy, they oftentimes cannot find a mate and they don’t understand why.  They don’t understand yet that they are withholding their love and thus they are very difficult to understand.  They are usually very contradictory in their mannerisms and thus we are unsure if they are really kind, or if they are only sorta kinda kind.  We are able to see that their kindness has conditions, and if this is true, their love will also have conditions.  To help these people understand what they are doing, one can give their love, unselfishly and teach them how to feel and receive this love.  Boundaries must be set, and firm.  There can be NO attachment!  This will cause much inner turmoil for the EGO; however, they will gradually understand that it is the act of giving which feels so good.  And when someone unselfishly gives their love to another, the receiver of this love will feel uplifted, they will feel worthy, and they will begin to seek to better understand this love.  They have NEVER felt this type of unselfishness before.  They don’t understand it, but they will respect it, completely.  BUT ONLY IF PROPER COMMUNICATION HAS ALREADY BEEN DISCUSSED! 

In the above scenario, if you were to give your love to someone without setting the proper boundaries, their EGO will do everything it can to attach itself to you.  They will beg and plead to be with you, they will attempt to entice you with provocative pictures, messages and any other means they can think of to control or possess your love.  If you are not fully grounded in your knowing of what unselfish love is and how to give it, be mindful who you give your physical love to.